What Will It Take to Be More Considerate of Others?

While many people think compassion and empathy are the same, the fact is there are important differences. By discussing each as a separate ethical value, we can begin to see how each might influence ethical behavior and the response of one individual to another’s actions or words.

The feeling of empathy is more complicated than compassion because you have to put yourself in the place of the person whose actions you are trying to understand: (1) What motivates them; (2) How can I show that I care about what has happened to them; and (3) What can I do to make them feel better about their words or actions?\

I have blogged about the difference between compassion and empathy previously. Today’s blog updates that discussion and expands on the ethical value of “compassion”. I focus more on the behavioral side of expressing compassion and what such action is intended to achieve.

What is Compassion?

Compassion has been defined in many ways. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines it as “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” In the literature, there appears to be a broad consensus that compassion involves feeling for a person who is suffering and being motivated to act to help them. According to the Theosophical Society of America, the characteristic trait compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical, and spiritual traditions, directing us always to treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves—the Golden Rule.

Compassion is sometimes differentiated from empathy and altruism, although the concepts are related. Empathy refers more generally to our ability to take the perspective of and feel the emotions of another person, and compassion is when those feelings and thoughts include the desire to help them. Altruism, in turn, is kind, selfless behavior often motivated by feelings of compassion, though one can feel compassion without acting on it, and altruism isn’t always motivated by compassion. It could simply be that a person sees helping others as a way to add meaning to their life.

The Psychology of Happiness and Meaning

Research by Martin Seligman, a pioneer of the psychology of happiness and human flourishing, suggests that connecting with others in a meaningful way helps us enjoy better mental and physical health. A compassionate lifestyle leads to greater psychological health because giving to others is a pleasurable activity, if not more so than the act of receiving. It also broadens our perspective beyond ourselves and creates a sense of connection to others that generates a positive feeling and enhances well-being.

Empathy and compassion for others may be reciprocated. For example, let’s assume your next-door neighbor’s husband just died and you decide to cook some meals and bring them over so the family can grieve without worrying about the little things. Six months later, your husband passes away and your neighbor returns the favor. One good deed deserves another. We feel good about what we did and our neighbor’s actions. It gives us a sense of satisfaction and gratitude, two elements of happiness.

Things Compassionate People Do

Writing for the personal development website, Life Hack, Kyle Hart identifies 20 things only compassionate people would do. These are quite instructive, so I decided to share my list of top ten compassionate acts.

1. Put other people’s needs above your own.
2. Listen first, speak second.
3. Never leave someone you care for and always have their back.
4. Forgive easily.
5. Find something in common with everyone.
6. Value people and experiences over money.
7. Be kind to yourselves as you are to others.
8. Be mindful of everything in your life.
9. Understand that people have differences of opinion, and they express those in different ways.
10. Bring out the best in others.

Compassion and Interpersonal Relationships

Compassion is often comprised of traits and behaviors including empathy and the following:

1. Caring about the suffering of others.
2. Understanding that suffering is a universal experience.
3. Understanding and empathizing with the emotional experiences of other people.
4. Tolerating distressing and uncomfortable emotions that may arise.
5. Feeling motivated to take action to help alleviate the suffering of others.
6. Thoughtful behavior towards others.

Examples of Compassion

A posting on the online website, 'Very Well Mind,' provides examples of compassion

• Offering help to someone in need: This might include aiding someone with a task, such as carrying someone's groceries to their car. Or it might involve offering other types of assistance, such as performing household chores for a friend who is experiencing depression.
• Volunteering for a cause: Compassion also often leads people to volunteer their time, skills, and effort for causes they care about. This might involve donating money or resources to an organization that helps people or volunteering to provide more hands-on assistance to a community organization.
• Listening and being patient with others: Compassion can also cause people to listen to the concerns or experiences of others and extend greater patience as a result. For example, you might listen to someone talk about their recent challenges or give someone more time to work on a project because of something they have been going through in their personal life.
• Forgiving others: The ability to forgive people who have wronged you is often rooted in compassion. While empathy might allow you to understand what they have experienced, compassion causes you to want to take action by extending forgiveness for the harm they have done.

Pay it Forward

I believe a lack of compassion and empathy exists in society today. Most people are concerned only about what happens to them. It is the notion of the pursuit of self-interest without regard to how our actions affect others. However, we need to stretch our concern to others in society, beyond our friends and family, to our neighbors and even strangers. Otherwise, those people will not react to our misgivings with compassion and empathy. Kindness begets kind action. Compassion begets caring and understanding.

You may have heard the expression ‘Pay it Forward.’ It is the mantra of a 2000 movie with the same name. It means to respond to a person's kindness to oneself by being kind to someone else.

`Pay it forward'' is a concept where a person who has received a kindness or favor does something good for someone else instead of repaying the original benefactor. The idea is to create a chain of goodwill, where acts of kindness are passed along, potentially benefiting many people over time.

The problem in society is we rarely see people paying it forward. The media doesn’t spend much time on it, and neither does social media. It’s time to emphasize compassion and empathy in society to build a better world!

Posted by Steven Mintz, aka Ethics Sage, on February 25, 2025. You can sign up for his newsletter and learn more about his activities at: https://www.stevenmintzethics.com/.