Consider the Possible Consequences of Your Actions

Dating in the workplace is fraught with potential problems, not the least of which is a conflict of interest for a superior who has to evaluate an employee but is also dating that person. Can the supervisor rate the employees’ performance objectively? Perhaps so, but the problem is that it may appear objectivity is unlikely, and any rating will be tainted.

The possibility exists that staff members of lower rank will have their progress in the firm at least temporarily slowed by becoming involved with someone of higher rank. Additionally, the more superior the employee has an ethical dilemma whether to rate the employee fairly and risk backlash if the rating is poor or even charges of sexual harassment.

I have blogged about this before and have updated it for today's blog.

Workplace Dating Policy

It has been said that the best way to manage a conflict of interest is not to become involved in one in the first place or at least learn the rules of the road. This is why many companies have a dating policy to clarify the issues and describe the process to be followed by those dating.

A workplace dating policy should provide guidelines for employees engaged in romantic or sexual relationships with colleagues. It should aim to ensure professionalism, prevent conflicts of interest, and maintain a harmonious work environment while respecting individual freedoms and choices.

Resources for Employees is an online service that provides advice on dating policies. It recently surveyed employees on their dating experiences. Before you date a colleague, it’s a good idea to become familiar with their guidance.

Before you decide to date a colleague, you should consider any problems or conflicts of interest that may arise. For example, if you’re collaborating with a colleague on an important project, a relationship between the two of you (or a possible breakup) could affect your work. Be sure you’ve thought about all parameters before deciding, not to mention unintended consequences.

If a colleague is persistent in flirting with you and becomes annoying or disturbs your work, ask them to stop and inform your manager [if they continue]. You should report them to HR if they make unwanted sexual advances. Sexual harassment is prohibited, including seemingly harmless actions. For example, an employee who keeps flirting when their colleague doesn’t respond favorably is breaking most sexual harassment policies, which could lead to disciplinary action.

Examples of acceptable behavior are:

• Passing by your partner’s office to talk to them for a brief time
• Discussing your joint vacation plans during breaks
• Coming to and leaving from work together

Examples of unacceptable behavior are:

• Arguing in the workplace
• Kissing or touching inappropriately in front of colleagues or clients
• Exchanging an excessive number of instant messages or calls during working hours
• Boasting about or discussing your relationship in your colleagues’ presence

If your relationship ends, maintain professionalism and disrupt the workplace environment. Don’t speak negatively about your former partner or sabotage their work or reveal any intimate details of the relationship. These behaviors will likely violate the code of conduct.

 What the Experts Say

There are perfectly good reasons why coworkers fall for one another, says Art Markman, a professor of psychology and marketing at the University of Texas at Austin. “You spend a tremendous amount of time at work and, if you put people in close proximity, working together, having open, vulnerable conversations, there’s a good chance there are going to be romantic relationships,” he says. Research shows that we also tend to fall for people who are similar to ourselves, says Amy Nicole Baker, an associate professor of psychology at University of New Haven and author of several papers on workplace romance. And “the more familiar you are with the person, the more likely it is that you’ll become attracted to one another,” she says. If you’ve become romantically interested in a colleague, proceed carefully. Here are some things to think about.

Disciplinary Actions

To avoid accusations of favoritism and abuse of authority, superiors may face disciplinary action up to and including termination. Here is a possible policy statement on this matter.

• Managers who are from the level of [senior director] and above are also forbidden from dating anyone who is below the same level, even if they’re in another department.
• Managers who are below the level of [senior director] may have a relationship with colleagues from other teams or departments, as long as that person is at the same level or within two levels below them. For example, a [department head] can date a [senior manager] from another department but they can’t date an intern who’s more than two levels below them in rank.

If an employee gets promoted or transferred from another department, they may find themselves managing a colleague they used to date, in which case HR should be informed right away.

Why There Are So Many Romances in the Workplace

Workplace romance statistics show that over 60% of adults have had a workplace romance. The percentages have been increasing in part because in today’s work environment there is little time for outside fraternization, and the ease of using social media to maintain a relationship even at work (which may violate policy).

The reality of workplace romances is that they happen–and while they’re unlikely to be condoned, employers can safeguard their organization and teams through policies and practices.

Key takeaways from studies of employees working for companies show that:

• 57% report workplace relationships have impacted their work performance.
• 43% have married someone they worked with
• 35% don’t report their relationship to their employer.
• 40% have cheated on their current partner with a coworker.
• 50% report flirting with their co-workers.

Survey respondents indicated that the three most common driving forces behind workplace romances are:

• Comfortability
• The lack of time outside work to meet other romantic interests
• The desire for a shared workplace experience

The most important things to keep in mind if you are considering, or engaged in a workplace romance are as follows:

• Workplace romances increase the fear of breaking up by 17%.
• Over 50% say that a workplace romance impacts their sense of individuality.
• Dating colleagues affects work–life balance (54%)
• 52% of people reported that their co-workers treated them differently.
• 40% have cheated on an existing partner with a colleague.
• 43% have married someone they met at work.
• 47% have changed jobs to date a colleague.
• Nearly one-third create a breakup plan when dating a colleague.
• 62% report their relationship to HR.
• Half of the people have engaged in flirtatious behavior with colleagues.
• Less than 1 in 5 say dating a colleague is unprofessional.
• Only 5% said they were comfortable with colleagues being romantically involved.
• 9% of survey takers said they believed that workplace relationships actually increase productivity.
• 14% said it makes them uncomfortable and promotes favoritism.
• Nearly 60% have heard gossip about colleagues in a workplace romance.

Are You in a Workplace Romance?

The majority of workers will find themselves in workplace romances at one time or another. It is inevitable given the nature of workplace dynamics and lack of time and interest in looking for love in all the wrong places.

Be sure to carefully consider what you are getting into before jumping into a relationship you might regret. One should always consider the costs and benefits of entering into a dating relationship before committing to it. Take a long-term view, not immediate gratification.

Posted by Steven Mintz, aka Ethics Sage, on April 2, 2025. You can sign up for his newsletter and learn more about his activities at: https://www.stevenmintzethics.com/.