Can We Find Ways to Come Together as a Society?

I have previously blogged about civility. It’s obviously a problem today in government and politics. Some blame it on the style of communication of President Donald Trump. I understand why these critics believe this to be the case. I think it’s fair to say it’s not so much what Trump says, although it could be said that some of his positions (i.e. executive orders) lack civility. I’ve observed that the lack of civility (e.g. treatment of undocumented immigrants) can be harsh. However, the problem, from my point of view, is how he says it: his delivery and choice of words to describe his positions. Trump can be insulting and derisive, and that creates incivility in society.

Dealing with Opposing Points of View with Civility

Today, we experience rudeness more than ever before. My pet peeve is when speakers are shouted down and/or forced to end their presentation before it is complete. After all, those of us who have made formal presentations know how disruptive it can be when those in the audience engage in behaviors that interrupt our thought processes or make it impossible to go on.

Why does this happen? People whom we deal with may have opposite views. They fail to be open-minded. They even disrespect our right to freedom of speech. If we don’t agree with their position, we may become victims of cancel culture.

In today’s world, there may not be a ‘safe place’ to go to feel secure and where we can discuss controversial issues with civility. The frequent protests on college campuses over the Israeli-Gaza war is a good example. At least early on, Jewish students felt insecure on campus because of protesters who attacked them verbally and even physically. Some didn’t attend classes because of these concerns on campuses like Harvard and Columbia.  

What’s missing, and causing incivility, is empathy. Detractors fail to understand, or don’t even care, to listen attentively to opposing points of view. They believe that it’s only their position that merits consideration. They lack the capacity and desire to understand alternative points of view. It’s ‘their way or the highway.’

Seeking Common Ground

By age sixteen, George Washington had copied out by hand, 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior In Company and Conversation.  They are based on a set of rules composed by French Jesuits in 1595.  The first rule is: “Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present.” Increasingly, writers and bloggers such as myself lament the lost art of civility as evidenced by rude behavior, disrespectful comments about others, and personal attacks. The key to coming together as a civil society is, to quote Aretha Franklin, R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

It used to be that we respected police, teachers, legislators and our parents. We respected people in authority positions because they had just that – authority to keep our streets safe, show us the way to a better life – a moral life; pass laws that improve our lot in society and give us the chance to better ourselves; and teach us right from wrong.

Looking at other cultures, in Japan, respect is earned. Honor is owed. Respect is based on how a person performs. Honor is based on a person’s position. I go along with that because it emphasizes the moral dimension of honor. After all, if we honor another person, we can say that we respect that person as well.

I don’t typically quote the Bible in my blogs but in this case it is instructive. The Bible tells us to honor our father and mother – not because we think they deserve respect or honor – but because of their position. The Bible tells us to treat others the way we want to be treated, and treating them with respect should be a given.

We should give respect to others and honor them because it is the right thing to do. We want to be respected and honored so we should treat others this way. Unfortunately, all too often in society respect and honor fall by the waist side.

One important element to create common ground is to develop a code of conduct in specific areas of life, such as the workplace and classroom. Most businesses have them, which create the basis for moral behavior in the organization. It is need for society as well.

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The Role of Moral Behavior

The ever-increasing violence in society is a by-product of the breakdown of respect, civility, and moral behavior. We can blame social media, but we also need to look at the way we, as a society, are serving as that proverbial village to raise our children. We need to look deep inside ourselves and ask whether we are doing all that we can to better our society – make it more civil and promote respect for others.

The quote "Whether or not I respect a person says something about their life, values and character. Whether or not I honor a person says something about my life, values and character," is not attributed to a single, widely known figure. It reflects a common ethical principle that our treatment of others reflects our own values and character. This idea is closely related to the concept of treating others with respect and dignity, which is a central theme in various ethical and philosophical systems. 

While no specific individual is credited with this exact wording, the sentiment aligns with the ethical philosophy of Immanuel Kant, particularly his concept of treating humanity, whether in one's own person or in the person of another, always at the same time as an end, and never merely as a means. This idea emphasizes the inherent worth and dignity of every individual, suggesting that our actions towards others reflect our own moral framework.

Kant was right. The ends do matter, and it is the means chosen to accomplish the goal that warrants ethical analysis.

Civility Surveys

Civility surveys clearly indicate that incivility is a growing problem. In a survey by KRC Research for Weber Shandwick, two in three Americans believe civility is a major problem. Three in four believe the problem has gotten worse over the past few years. Baby boomers are most likely to think civility is a problem (74%) and has gotten worse (80%). This survey was taken in 2010, so just imagine what it would look like today.

An American Bar Association Survey released on April 27, 2023, finds that Americans aren’t very nice to each other anymore and they blame social media and the media generally. The 2023 ABA Survey of Civic Literacy asked who is to blame for the nation’s growing incivility, what issues they’d be willing to compromise on and how much they know about how American government works.

The results: A majority agreed that civility is worse, that political compromise is good, but many are not willing to compromise on specific issues. Also, most U.S. residents think Americans don’t know much about how government works.

Here are the results of some individual questions regarding civility:

• A big majority, 85%, said civility in today’s society is worse than it was 10 years ago.
• 29% said social media is primarily responsible for eroding civility. Another 24% blamed the media generally and 19% blamed public officials.
• 34% said family and friends are primarily responsible for improving civility in our society. Another 27% said it’s primarily the responsibility of public officials and 11% said community leaders. Only 7% said it’s primarily the responsibility of teachers.
• An overwhelming majority (90%) said parents and family are most responsible for instilling civility in children.

A more recent survey released on March 5, 2025 by the Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation and Institute’s (RRPFI) Center on Civility and Democracy, reveals the majority of Americans believe civility is struggling, but are interested in finding common ground. More than seven in 10 Americans want to play a part in restoring civility in America. That’s great news, but the key is to determine how best to do it considering there is incivility in society wherever we look. In other words, ‘the devil is in the details.’

Major survey findings include:: 

• Three-quarters (73%) of Americans believe that we "tolerate outrageous and uncivilized behavior by elected officials" more today than in the past. 
• Yet more than eight out of 10 Americans (83%) expect government leaders to find common ground across political lines. These expectations are not just generalized but extend to their own elected officials.
• Americans are divided in their expectations and outlook for the country.

-        When asked about the country's ability to focus on what unites us, about half of respondents (47%) said they were optimistic and a similar amount (45%) expressed pessimism.

-        Republicans (72%) are most likely to be optimistic about the country’s ability to focus on what unites us. Only 30% of Democrats and 36% of Independents are optimistic.

-        Older Americans express less optimism: those ages 65 and over (32%) are significantly more likely to be very pessimistic about our country’s ability to focus on what unites compared with those who are ages 18-29 (24%) or 30-41 (20%). 

• 72% of Americans are interested in being a part of the solution to restore civility and find common ground, and wish their elected officials will be too.

-        Despite today’s divide, 71% of respondents believe it’s possible to find common ground on most issues. The survey revealed that most people (69%) affirm the values set forth in the U.S. Constitution.

-        Additionally, most people agree that we can settle differences without personal attack and 80% of respondents want and expect government leaders to find common ground. 

My Viewpoint

My personal view is that the results of the Reagan Foundation are too optimistic. I may be too cynical, but I see society getting less civil, not more. We are a divided country and politics today make it even more so. It’s based on an “I gotcha’ mentality.

My advice is we must begin to learn how to disagree with each other without being disagreeable. I hope you agree.

Posted by Dr. Steven Mintz, aka Ethics Sage, on June 24, 2025. Steve is the author of Beyond Happiness and Meaning: Transforming Your Life Through Ethical Behavior, which is available on Amazon. Learn more about his activities at: https://www.stevenmintzethics.com/ and signing up for the newsletter.